I want to die

I have given up my life and now I know, know what it truly means. I have consecrated myself and withdrawn myself from this world. I have spent many days, many nights just seeking Your face. I felt alone, I have felt like You were never with me during my toughest trials, but I now know, You never left. I didnt know what it truly meant to be broken, until recently. Im starting to see things through Your eyes. Sometimes its amazing but, sometimes its truly painful.

In my 25 years of breathing, only the last 2 to 3 years do I really even feel like I’ve grasped what it really means to follow Jesus. Its not all “glory and fame.” Its more humble and nameless. Its more brokenness and tears. Jesus isnt a club to join. He isnt the “cool” thing to follow. I realize I’m in a season of brokenness and that there is joy and happiness in Christ, this I know for sure. Ive seen and lived in pure joy and I still have that joy. But most people seem to leave out the hardest part of following Jesus.. dying. Its the hardest thing I’ve ever done. No one teaches you in the church how to die to yourself so that you can truly follow Jesus. Yet that is the most crucial thing any person will ever do in a relationship with Christ. I feel like I understand now how Jesus felt as He looked upon the sea of people, truly having compassion for them because they had no shepherd. You see compassion is brokenness, or even better, anguish. I am now starting to see people who have no shepherd and because of it my heart is filled with utter anguish for I see the results that lie in ruins because of no shepherd.

To end this Ive come so far from who I use to be but, I still dont see everything like Jesus see’s it. Thats where I am right now at the very moment, I’m trying to see like Jesus see’s it. I truly tried to see things His way, but my flesh has become a veil. Lord, please help me die. My flesh deceives me, it distorts my vision. My only prayer is to see as You see. Then I can act as You acted thus being who You created me to be.

If you know me, please pray for me to truly die and never return. I just want to see.

Must Have it

I must see Glory restored in the earth. You see I cannot be satisfied by meeting with a group of people in a church setting and leave unchanged, leave without knowing the Holy Spirit did EVERYTHING He wanted to do. I am not interested in the slightest a typical ministry. You see I say this in brokeness .. I must have more! I read the book of Acts and look around me.. where is that? I will not be denied what the Spirit of the Living God is speaking to me! It grieves my heart to see the LACK of power in the body of Christ. It burdens my heart, it pierces me to the core to know theres an eternal state of glorification we have available yet the majority of Christians do not tap into it. Where is the Power? Where are the signs, wonders and miracles that FOLLOW the Gospel? I’ll tell you where, far and few between. Everywhere Jesus went signs, wonders and miracles simply followed.

You see, what is church? What has it become? Ill tell you what its SUPPOSE to be… it is simply this, completely and utterly Holy Spirit lead. The Holy Spirit does what He wants and gets done what needs to be done, period. Lets go ahead and answer the typical religious question that comes with that my previous statement..”Aaron so are you saying we just sit around and come unprepared?” NO! We freaking get on our faces before the Lord and seek what the HOLY SPIRIT wants and HE gives us the direction! End of discussion. Why is that so hard?

I am so desperate for His Glory. I am bound and determined to see it come to fruition. I will not die until I see the ridiculous Glory of the Living God released into the earth in full measure. I want to go to one dimension of Glory to the next and the next and the next until im dead or Jesus comes back. Dear God I’m motivated, im provoked and im simply fed up with my current state of Glory. I, We were never meant to stay in our current state. Its not biblical 2 Corinthians 3:18 read it.

You can think im arrogant or cocky. You can think im ignorant and just too zealous. Thats fine think what you want.. Im just passionate and desperate for more. Why isnt everyone else?

Injustice

I see pain in the hearts of those who pass by. Upon their faces they wear smiles but I see the poison that they feed themselves to forget. A rose slowly wilts in the desert. Spiraling downward life decays one pedal at a time, yet we walk by and don’t give it the water we carry. I see the pain, I feel the pain. I can hear the children, they scream for help, but no one hears, no one comes after them. I hear their thoughts, I hear them ask “why is this my life? Why is there so much pain?” Innocent children scream and why do we not cry out church? Why dont we pray for them? People are dieing inside and the church goes ahead and makes their tombstone. WHY?! Why are we just standing by? Why are we just business as usual?! God tear us up in the name of Jesus! Tear out the idle spirit from our heart Lord! Kill that demonic spirit that causes us to walk by as we hear dieing people scream at us. God Im broken, especially for the children. We must thirst for justice. I will not turn a deaf ear to their screams, I will not. I cant not. God send warriors who will fight for justice even unto death. Let righteous rage permeate from every fiber of their being for every child that receives injustice. God even if Im the only one, Ill take down this giant by the strength of Your Spirit. Here I am Lord, send me.

Press on

Well ive been here in Pensacola for about 2 weeks now. I must say that the Holy Spirit is moving and calling us to a city that holds some serious darkness. Althougth I havent been vocal about it, my transition from Tulsa to here in Pensacola hasnt been very easy mentally. Id be lieing if i said I didnt miss home, my friends, family and my warriors at Verge Youth. The enemy has wasted no time trying to put weight upon my back. Satan has been trying to have me carry a heaviness that I have until now not been familar with. Its a very unusal heaviness, somewhat of a sadness that surrounds it. My joy is under attack. The Lord really sheltered me on the way down here, i literally got in my truck packed it up drove 12hrs. 20 min and never thought twice about it. But shortly after I arrived, heaviness and sadness began to crawl upon my back. But i have had to remind my self, I have been called here. The Holy Spirit sent me here. And I will press on. My weight will be lifted and my dream will be a reality. But for those of you who have read this, I ask for one thing.. intercession on my behalf, true prayer changes things. I need prayer, go to war with me. I got the blessing to preach yesterday at the Harbor meeting, and it was truly an amazing night. The Lord spoke through me with a word that was not from my own heart, but from His and His alone. Its what I was created for and just by doing what im called to do, walls of heaviness and sadness began to fall. So please lift me up in your prayers and lift up the families here at the Harbor. We are in a war, people are under attack. But we are pressing on. Press on with us.

The Path that lay before me.

I see the path that lay before my feet. My hearts sees a vision of a massive field of lost sheep and from the hands with holes I am handed a staff. I hear the words, “I have called you to be like a shepherd unto the sheep that are before your vision, tend to them.” In a dream I see and endless sea of people, I have a microphone and a fire that pours from my mouth. I see the sea of people roar with freedom, cry out with passion to the only thing that matters in this world, “JESUS!” I see fire spreading and spreading fast. As I walk I lock eyes with people who pass by and I see fire in the very core of who they are. They drip with passion for the I AM, the God who was, the God who is and the God who will always be. I see an Earth ablaze. I see an army. I see. This is fire, this is purpose, come let us burn.

UNLEASHED

I wrote this a week ago on Cody West’s blog, Im an author on his blog as well. Thought Id post it on mine too. Hope this is your prayer for a nation…

This is my prayer for a generation that has never really seen a true display of Jesus walking the streets. This is my cry for a nation that is no longer a nation under God. This is a desperate fight that the fire shut up in my bones burns for!

Abba Father! Jesus Christ! Holy Spirit! Hear the prayers of your people. Hear me O Lord! I pray for Your will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven. I pray right now for a sweeping of Your mighty right hand accross a nation! Soften the souls Lord! Break us down. Raise up a generation of mighty warriors thirsty for blood! The blood of Jesus! I cry out, Let the chains fall! Let the walls fall! I break them in the name of the Living God. Let this nation know who Your Son is, let them never forget Your Love. Let us be the ones to display Your Love. Let the church begin to worship past thier own “personality”, shy, quiet, unsure, timid, I dont care Lord let us all fall to our faces and let us run with fire! I pray for fire! I will never stop praying for Your fire to blaze and burn! Lastly Lord I pray for unity in the church! I bind division in Jesus name! Let us look past denomination, which is division and come together as one! Let us march down the streets of our city and take control of whats ours! I seal every word I have prayed in Jesus name, Amen.

-A desperate heart

A GLIMPSE INTO THE BEGINNING

I see a door, as I walk through it I glance back to find the door in the exact position I had left it. This symbolizes complete freedom and true Love, Agape. Discovery is all my mind can utterly think. Everything is new, nothing is dull, nothing is fake, all of it is vibrant and more tangible than words can communicate. An aura of glory radiates from within my very core and literally drips off my skin. My vocal cords begin to sing with a voice that is foreign to my own ears. My tongue has never released praise and joy like this before. My eyes have no limitations, for they see everything as it truly is. My body does not even comprehend what it is to be tired or weary, for my body is pulsating with vigor and power that until this very moment would otherwise be impossible. Then I see a blinding Light, yet I can still see. The Light brings with it a warmth that connects with my spirit. Then I see eyes like that of doves and fire. They transfix my complete attention, all else fails to grip my gaze but the eyes of the Light. This Light seems to be, no it is, the source of Life. It is the reason I exist, the reason I breathe. The eyes that steal my gaze and stop the very blood flow within my veins is The Messiah, the Word in flesh, the Son of the Living God, Jesus Christ. This is my future, this is a glimpse into the Beginning.

Exposed

The title of this blog is exposed because Im going to share whats on my in my heart with no cover, no veil and no mask.

I just got back from church camp with our youth today. I spent 5 days in the sun with teenagers with hardly a dull moment. As I came home and walked through the threshold of my door I looked around my house, dropped my bag and things just seemed different. You see my life has been very redundant for the past 7 months. I go to work, come home, hit the gym, and wake up to do it all again. Wednesday nights serving as a youth leader at Verge youth is my life. Thats the one night I am alive, its the one night I am connected to my calling. Its the one night I feel purposeful. But that night will then close and my mind will settle on the thought of the next morning, work wishing I didnt have to go, wishing I was able to be somewhere else.

Basically this past 5 days at camp was like a fresh awakening to my physical mind, body, soul and spirit. I forgot about everything, work, bills, to do lists, worries and I just lived in the moments God gave me with the people around me. If I cant have that all the time, then I dont want to live anymore. Please dont mis-understand me, i know I must work and be responsible and grow up… Im aware of all that, but im telling you I cant be restricted of my air anymore. I cant be held down in some prison any longer! I cant be this caged lion for much more time! Im about to be released, im about to roam in the freedom of my calling! Why do we have to wait for once a year to gather in unison for the cause of Christ? I cant do that anymore I want this fellowship all the time everyday. I thrive on fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I must have it! I must! You see back to me crossing the threshold of my door, I saw a recap of my last 7 months. I been alone for a long time, I’ve been running off 1 or 2 nights a week of fellowship. The rest of my time is just alone with Christ. Im not saying thats bad to be alone with the Lord, but He put humans to thrive together. This past week reminded me and exposed how much I need deep fellowship with my spiritual family in Christ. I have been starved for a while. God has peiced together this new season in my life thats approching very soon.

This leads me to the next topic and ill keep it brief. Im leaving the 2nd week in September to head off to Pensacola, FL. to spend 6 months with the Harbor. My plan there after is to head to Colorado Springs to another ministry called Generations Church for another 6 months. Im heading to FL 1st. This is my plan and of course I leave my agenda open for the penmanship of Christ to fill in His order. This will be a extremely bitter-sweet time. Knowing anything could happen, I could leave and come back after a year, then again God could change it all and I may move somewhere permanently. The hardest part will be leaving my family, friends and my youth. Besides my savior Jesus Christ, they are the love’s of my life. But I know this is what God wants. So I go.

I know this post may be random, hard to follow and sporadic but this my heart. Im stepping out in faith upon hearing the Word of the Lord. To wrap this post up and reflect on my past week, I just thank God for the opportunity to be a part of each kids life at my church as well outside my church. Without that I wouldnt have a purpose on this earth. Thank you Lord for purpose, its what keeps me going in this life, its what gives me a reason to live. I give you my all, take me, mold me and do with me what Your hands see fit. I love you Lord.

Send Your Spirit

Sunday June 14th late at night I was online and stumbled upon a man by the name “Eddie James”. He was singing at the “Ramp” in Hamilton, AL. He spoke a word I had previously never heard, ” Tshalach.” He went on to describe that a Messianic Jew had passed this word on to him. He said it meant “Send Your Spirit” in Hebrew. He even went on to say that the people in the Upper Room waiting on the Holy Spirit to come used this word as a desperate cry to the Father. He said this word is not a casual word, its a word of desperation. A deep groan that says from a people, “Lord we cant go on another day without Your presence.”

As this man began to sing with a angelic voice i was suddenly gripped by the presence of the Lord. I began to cry before the Lord. I had a vision of the people in the Upper Room crying out ” Tshalach! Tshalach! ” And I just keep on weeping. I just began to cry out and say that word ” Tshalach” and His spirit intensified. I began to weep for a nation. I began to weep for the youth of this nation, which is my heart and my passion to reach! I just kept hearing in my heart that the youth of this nation dont have the slightest clue about what this kind of desperate groan is or looks like. And the Holy Spirit said to me, “Go and show them.”

I want a generation of fire to rise up in this dark and bone chilling world! I want a generation in an upper room crying out ” TSHALACH!!!!!!, TSHALACH”!!!!!! This is my cry for a generation! My heart is broken and I am so moved and I have never been this on fire for my God than I have at this very moment. My heart is enraged with this beauty and fire and passion and power and purpose. Its like a tornado of all the encompassing attributes of God wrapped up in one power packed tornado. Its a hurricane and earthquake and tornado all in one movement! Its just simply not possible to describe with human words so ill stop here trying to explain this. Instead ill show you what this looks like.

Get ready, the forecast says a storms coming.

(Heres the video I watched, you have to wait for the introduction to end and then it transitions to Eddie James. You should also keep watching b/c Damon Thompson preaches in this video too! IT MAY TAKE A BIT TO LOAD, DONT PUNCH YOUR COMPUTER JUST WAIT.)

Send Your Spirit

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Fresh Move

I have reached a place in my walk in which my cup is overflowing. I cannot even begin to describe the fullness of my cup. The Lord Jesus Christ is putting a warrior spirit upon me and in me. He is pouring and pouring and pouring into me and I cannot contain it. The word the Lord has poured into must be poured out. He is given me new ears to hear and new eyes to see. I see things many people are not seeing.

Hear this, God is bringing followers of Christ into a new dimension. He is not going to this, He is doing this. It isn’t time to just talk about what God is going to do, its time to proclaim and grab a hold of what God is doing! And if He isn’t doing something new and fresh in your life, perhaps you should reevaluate your wineskin, is it new or old?

You see those who continually cast off the old wineskin are the ones God will use to move in a new fresh and radical way. Stay with your old wineskin and nothing will change. That’s what many believers today do not get, they do not grasp, they cant wrap their minds around and that is God is not limited to one dimension yet they have reduced Him to one. My hearts cry for every single person on the face of the Earth is to understand that God will continually pour out new and fresh movements and reveal dimensions of Himself as long as you live. Even after death mysteries of Heaven are revealed. This statement I’m about to make will sum up the entire writing above. Here’s the word of the Lord, “Stop putting God in a dad-gum box.” Stop reducing Him to the dimensions your comfortable with. When or if you reach that point, get ready for a shower of new wine. The Lords eyes are gazing throughout the earth for people of covenant and commitment with Him at any cost. Get rid of the “ME, ME, ME” in your relationship with Christ. The only thing that holds you back from this movement is you.

Check your wineskin.