Clarity

I want to bring truth and clarity to specific things in my last blog. I know many people can take my comment “I have zero interest in being part of typical church the way most Americans know it today” and feel like a finger is pointing at you. When I say I am done with “church”, everyone needs to understand that doesn’t mean I’m done with people. That doesn’t mean I think everyone in a church is doing everything wrong and that your way is wrong and my way of doing things is right. Although church is made up of people I am not pointing at people and saying, “Im done with you. I have zero interest in you.” I do not have a “way” except “The Way”… All Im doing is what the Holy Spirit is telling me to do.

I also want people to see my heart here, and if you go to Destiny Church the next part is for you. Why when I say anything about church would people assume I’m singling out Destiny? When I say I’m done with church I’m speaking of a mindset and a mentality that is so vast across America. Now can I be truthful with you? Yes I hear the Holy Spirit speak to my heart that there are things that need to change at Destiny but that does not mean I am condemning. Pastor Mike can testify, I personally sat down with him in his office and voiced spiritual frustrations that I felt I needed to discuss with him. I did so in love and with a pure heart.

If some of you think I’m just zealous and pointing at you calling Destiny Church out with a condemning finger, my question to you is why? How could anyone who truly knows me or has a relationship with me at Destiny Church think that about me? Why would I ever condemn you? I gave up a paid position to come to Destiny Church and serve as a volunteer and took joy in doing so. Do you know how many amazing things came from Destiny that will forever be a part of my life? I would have never known the people I am with now in Pensacola who are my brothers and sisters and will be forever if I had not been in Destiny. There are people still at Destiny church now that are near and dear to my heart and are brothers and sisters for life. I would have never met my girlfriend Krissy and have a relationship that is truly centered on Jesus and instead of being focused on what we want, we give it to the Lord to do what He wills. I would have never been apart of Verge Youth. Every warrior in that youth group I will never forget! I love them with my whole heart and will never forget them as long as I have a breath in my body. They were my pride, they were my joy and still are. Wednesday nights at youth was the only time I felt alive. It seriously brings me to tears to even think about all the amazing friendships I have from Destiny.

You see I have said long before I was even at Destiny Church that I was done with typical church. It has nothing to do with trying to get personal and point fingers. Please! Hear my heart! Please, see my brokenness! I just want more of Jesus, thats it. I just want more, I’ll never be satisfied. I will never stop my pursuit after Jesus. Im not in Pensacola because Arnie McCall recruited me or lured me here. In fact let me go ahead and squash what so many people seem to be thinking about my coming here to Pensacola. Arnie has never told me I need be here nor did he have a single thing to do with me writing this nor did he even know that I decided to write this blog; So please leave him as well as the Harbor out of this. If you have an issue with me call me and we’ll talk. This is me writing whats on my heart. This isn’t about Arnie or Tony or Travis or anyone, its about me being obedient to the voice of God. I’m not here for a person, I’m here out of obedience. I will never do anything that is for the pleasure of man. Thats all I’ve every wanted in life is to do what Jesus speaks to me and thats what I did by coming to Pensacola. I want the world but especially America to see a glory of God released like no man has ever seen before. I just want to see churches and a people who are completely and utterly dependent upon the leading of the Holy Spirit and not a tradition or a formula. No matter what people say about me I will proclaim The Word of the Lord. Hate me or not hate me, I’m still saying what God tells me to say. I haven’t changed my mind about anything I wrote in my previous blog because what I said was truth and it was from God. To put it plainly my previous blog at large was desperate cry from my heart about where I am at in my walk. It wasn’t even directed to anyone. Built in it was a word of correction to the typical mindset of how church is suppose to be and no one likes correction, its painful. But we can either embrace it and become greater for the Kingdom or reject and become offended which births bitterness and unforgiveness. In this blog I truly wanted to bring clarity where the devil is trying to distort and cause offense to take place.

Destiny Church and everyone in it, please know that I love you and I am thankful for my time there. I would never trade my time there for anything. I haven’t written you off in my heart or become resentful towards you. I love you. I will always love you. I pray people truly see my heart.

Wordless

Though I do not have the words to truly depict what my heart sees and feels I will give it my best attempt.

How do I describe what only a remnant of people truly understand? How do I bring clarity to the words that seem to dissipate into a thick fog as I try to express what really only one can comprehend by walking the road I am on? I don’t even know why I am blogging this because most people will read it and “think” they understand, when truly they have no idea. But perhaps one or two will sincerely come to grips with what I try to explain.

People ask me how I am since I left Tulsa and in no way is that a simple response. You see most people “think” that I came down here to “ministry.” Although this is true, that word is almost as jaded as the statement, ” I’m a Christian.” Let me first explain that I did not come here to do ministry, I came here to initially die. And most will say “yea of course die to your flesh, yup I understand.” And my response is, I doubt it. When is the last time you heard someone truly speak of death in a corporate gathering? And I really mean expound upon death? It is only the most essential and foundational step as a follower of Christ. Without it you cannot follow Christ nor are you worthy of being His. I thought the last 6 years of my life was dying however, I still had more that needed to pass through the fire. You see my heart and Gods heart cannot coexist. For if they do, I will never see a generation be radically and absolutely revolutionized. If my heart is still beating, I would simply settle, in whatever capacity that may be. But with the heart of Christ beating in my chest, I will be broken as Jesus was and is still broken and that is the only reason miracles happened. Jesus was simply but profoundly broken, utterly destroyed.

What I have seen here at the Harbor is people who have truly laid down their life, freaking all of it. In struggle, in pain, in rage, in sadness and in all areas I see a life laid down. You see despite all of this they press on and continue to seek the face of Christ. We are not pursuing ministry, we are pursuing Jesus. As we do this, the Holy Spirit reveals the ministry that we are to partake in. Please hear my heart and know that I am not hear to bash nor condemn with my next statement and if you know me, you will know that to be true. I have absolutely zero interest in being part of typical church as most Americans know it today. Why? Because I see differently, I see as Christ sees. I see a church who is passive and obese. I see people clock in and clock out of church, its simply a routine. I see many grand speeches, but no action, no fruit. Where is the raw passion for Jesus!? Where is the Holy Spirit in our own churches? I’ll tell you where, He is standing outside in the cold. I am so broken. I feel true anguish from the heart of God for it beats upon my own chest. It feels like needles slowing searing the tender flesh of my insides. You see church is simply this, the Holy Spirit gets done what He wants done with no suggestions from us.

I came to Pensacola to be branded with the mark of my calling. I hear the voice of the Lord crying out to me, “Apostle!” I hear the agony in His voice when he cries, “Where have my Apostles gone?” He has pointed to me to bear that mark among a few others. More than anything I am utterly humbled. Knowing full well that the road ahead will only become more difficult to say the least, I know this is for the glory of God so I rejoice! He has called me to literally burst through walls that everyone will point to and say “why waste your time?” They will say “its impossible to break through, just let it be.” But I will not be denied my entire life, especially the last 6 years of my life, every prayer from my mom and dad, every prayer from my grandmas and grandpas, every pastor who spoke into my life, every vision, every dream, every prophecy, every prayer I prayed, every opportunity I passed up, every trial and tribulation I endured, every night I spent preaching to my couch because I could not contain the zeal for my Savior, every Word from the Lord will come to fruition. A nation will literally be shaken! Children will be turn back to their fathers and mothers! Fathers and Mothers will turn back to their children! A generational curse will be broken. I tell you plainly there is no other purpose in my life BUT THAT!

You see, words do not even begin to describe the intensity I am receiving from the Lord yet, I will never forget the words of David Wilkerson, “all true passion is born out of anguish.” I will show this generation my passion. So when people ask how I am doing, well I guess my previous words will have to do. I am in the will of God and I do not desire to be anywhere else.

I want to die

I have given up my life and now I know, know what it truly means. I have consecrated myself and withdrawn myself from this world. I have spent many days, many nights just seeking Your face. I felt alone, I have felt like You were never with me during my toughest trials, but I now know, You never left. I didnt know what it truly meant to be broken, until recently. Im starting to see things through Your eyes. Sometimes its amazing but, sometimes its truly painful.

In my 25 years of breathing, only the last 2 to 3 years do I really even feel like I’ve grasped what it really means to follow Jesus. Its not all “glory and fame.” Its more humble and nameless. Its more brokenness and tears. Jesus isnt a club to join. He isnt the “cool” thing to follow. I realize I’m in a season of brokenness and that there is joy and happiness in Christ, this I know for sure. Ive seen and lived in pure joy and I still have that joy. But most people seem to leave out the hardest part of following Jesus.. dying. Its the hardest thing I’ve ever done. No one teaches you in the church how to die to yourself so that you can truly follow Jesus. Yet that is the most crucial thing any person will ever do in a relationship with Christ. I feel like I understand now how Jesus felt as He looked upon the sea of people, truly having compassion for them because they had no shepherd. You see compassion is brokenness, or even better, anguish. I am now starting to see people who have no shepherd and because of it my heart is filled with utter anguish for I see the results that lie in ruins because of no shepherd.

To end this Ive come so far from who I use to be but, I still dont see everything like Jesus see’s it. Thats where I am right now at the very moment, I’m trying to see like Jesus see’s it. I truly tried to see things His way, but my flesh has become a veil. Lord, please help me die. My flesh deceives me, it distorts my vision. My only prayer is to see as You see. Then I can act as You acted thus being who You created me to be.

If you know me, please pray for me to truly die and never return. I just want to see.

Must Have it

I must see Glory restored in the earth. You see I cannot be satisfied by meeting with a group of people in a church setting and leave unchanged, leave without knowing the Holy Spirit did EVERYTHING He wanted to do. I am not interested in the slightest a typical ministry. You see I say this in brokeness .. I must have more! I read the book of Acts and look around me.. where is that? I will not be denied what the Spirit of the Living God is speaking to me! It grieves my heart to see the LACK of power in the body of Christ. It burdens my heart, it pierces me to the core to know theres an eternal state of glorification we have available yet the majority of Christians do not tap into it. Where is the Power? Where are the signs, wonders and miracles that FOLLOW the Gospel? I’ll tell you where, far and few between. Everywhere Jesus went signs, wonders and miracles simply followed.

You see, what is church? What has it become? Ill tell you what its SUPPOSE to be… it is simply this, completely and utterly Holy Spirit lead. The Holy Spirit does what He wants and gets done what needs to be done, period. Lets go ahead and answer the typical religious question that comes with that my previous statement..”Aaron so are you saying we just sit around and come unprepared?” NO! We freaking get on our faces before the Lord and seek what the HOLY SPIRIT wants and HE gives us the direction! End of discussion. Why is that so hard?

I am so desperate for His Glory. I am bound and determined to see it come to fruition. I will not die until I see the ridiculous Glory of the Living God released into the earth in full measure. I want to go to one dimension of Glory to the next and the next and the next until im dead or Jesus comes back. Dear God I’m motivated, im provoked and im simply fed up with my current state of Glory. I, We were never meant to stay in our current state. Its not biblical 2 Corinthians 3:18 read it.

You can think im arrogant or cocky. You can think im ignorant and just too zealous. Thats fine think what you want.. Im just passionate and desperate for more. Why isnt everyone else?

Injustice

I see pain in the hearts of those who pass by. Upon their faces they wear smiles but I see the poison that they feed themselves to forget. A rose slowly wilts in the desert. Spiraling downward life decays one pedal at a time, yet we walk by and don’t give it the water we carry. I see the pain, I feel the pain. I can hear the children, they scream for help, but no one hears, no one comes after them. I hear their thoughts, I hear them ask “why is this my life? Why is there so much pain?” Innocent children scream and why do we not cry out church? Why dont we pray for them? People are dieing inside and the church goes ahead and makes their tombstone. WHY?! Why are we just standing by? Why are we just business as usual?! God tear us up in the name of Jesus! Tear out the idle spirit from our heart Lord! Kill that demonic spirit that causes us to walk by as we hear dieing people scream at us. God Im broken, especially for the children. We must thirst for justice. I will not turn a deaf ear to their screams, I will not. I cant not. God send warriors who will fight for justice even unto death. Let righteous rage permeate from every fiber of their being for every child that receives injustice. God even if Im the only one, Ill take down this giant by the strength of Your Spirit. Here I am Lord, send me.

Press on

Well ive been here in Pensacola for about 2 weeks now. I must say that the Holy Spirit is moving and calling us to a city that holds some serious darkness. Althougth I havent been vocal about it, my transition from Tulsa to here in Pensacola hasnt been very easy mentally. Id be lieing if i said I didnt miss home, my friends, family and my warriors at Verge Youth. The enemy has wasted no time trying to put weight upon my back. Satan has been trying to have me carry a heaviness that I have until now not been familar with. Its a very unusal heaviness, somewhat of a sadness that surrounds it. My joy is under attack. The Lord really sheltered me on the way down here, i literally got in my truck packed it up drove 12hrs. 20 min and never thought twice about it. But shortly after I arrived, heaviness and sadness began to crawl upon my back. But i have had to remind my self, I have been called here. The Holy Spirit sent me here. And I will press on. My weight will be lifted and my dream will be a reality. But for those of you who have read this, I ask for one thing.. intercession on my behalf, true prayer changes things. I need prayer, go to war with me. I got the blessing to preach yesterday at the Harbor meeting, and it was truly an amazing night. The Lord spoke through me with a word that was not from my own heart, but from His and His alone. Its what I was created for and just by doing what im called to do, walls of heaviness and sadness began to fall. So please lift me up in your prayers and lift up the families here at the Harbor. We are in a war, people are under attack. But we are pressing on. Press on with us.

The Path that lay before me.

I see the path that lay before my feet. My hearts sees a vision of a massive field of lost sheep and from the hands with holes I am handed a staff. I hear the words, “I have called you to be like a shepherd unto the sheep that are before your vision, tend to them.” In a dream I see and endless sea of people, I have a microphone and a fire that pours from my mouth. I see the sea of people roar with freedom, cry out with passion to the only thing that matters in this world, “JESUS!” I see fire spreading and spreading fast. As I walk I lock eyes with people who pass by and I see fire in the very core of who they are. They drip with passion for the I AM, the God who was, the God who is and the God who will always be. I see an Earth ablaze. I see an army. I see. This is fire, this is purpose, come let us burn.

UNLEASHED

I wrote this a week ago on Cody West’s blog, Im an author on his blog as well. Thought Id post it on mine too. Hope this is your prayer for a nation…

This is my prayer for a generation that has never really seen a true display of Jesus walking the streets. This is my cry for a nation that is no longer a nation under God. This is a desperate fight that the fire shut up in my bones burns for!

Abba Father! Jesus Christ! Holy Spirit! Hear the prayers of your people. Hear me O Lord! I pray for Your will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven. I pray right now for a sweeping of Your mighty right hand accross a nation! Soften the souls Lord! Break us down. Raise up a generation of mighty warriors thirsty for blood! The blood of Jesus! I cry out, Let the chains fall! Let the walls fall! I break them in the name of the Living God. Let this nation know who Your Son is, let them never forget Your Love. Let us be the ones to display Your Love. Let the church begin to worship past thier own “personality”, shy, quiet, unsure, timid, I dont care Lord let us all fall to our faces and let us run with fire! I pray for fire! I will never stop praying for Your fire to blaze and burn! Lastly Lord I pray for unity in the church! I bind division in Jesus name! Let us look past denomination, which is division and come together as one! Let us march down the streets of our city and take control of whats ours! I seal every word I have prayed in Jesus name, Amen.

-A desperate heart

A GLIMPSE INTO THE BEGINNING

I see a door, as I walk through it I glance back to find the door in the exact position I had left it. This symbolizes complete freedom and true Love, Agape. Discovery is all my mind can utterly think. Everything is new, nothing is dull, nothing is fake, all of it is vibrant and more tangible than words can communicate. An aura of glory radiates from within my very core and literally drips off my skin. My vocal cords begin to sing with a voice that is foreign to my own ears. My tongue has never released praise and joy like this before. My eyes have no limitations, for they see everything as it truly is. My body does not even comprehend what it is to be tired or weary, for my body is pulsating with vigor and power that until this very moment would otherwise be impossible. Then I see a blinding Light, yet I can still see. The Light brings with it a warmth that connects with my spirit. Then I see eyes like that of doves and fire. They transfix my complete attention, all else fails to grip my gaze but the eyes of the Light. This Light seems to be, no it is, the source of Life. It is the reason I exist, the reason I breathe. The eyes that steal my gaze and stop the very blood flow within my veins is The Messiah, the Word in flesh, the Son of the Living God, Jesus Christ. This is my future, this is a glimpse into the Beginning.

Exposed

The title of this blog is exposed because Im going to share whats on my in my heart with no cover, no veil and no mask.

I just got back from church camp with our youth today. I spent 5 days in the sun with teenagers with hardly a dull moment. As I came home and walked through the threshold of my door I looked around my house, dropped my bag and things just seemed different. You see my life has been very redundant for the past 7 months. I go to work, come home, hit the gym, and wake up to do it all again. Wednesday nights serving as a youth leader at Verge youth is my life. Thats the one night I am alive, its the one night I am connected to my calling. Its the one night I feel purposeful. But that night will then close and my mind will settle on the thought of the next morning, work wishing I didnt have to go, wishing I was able to be somewhere else.

Basically this past 5 days at camp was like a fresh awakening to my physical mind, body, soul and spirit. I forgot about everything, work, bills, to do lists, worries and I just lived in the moments God gave me with the people around me. If I cant have that all the time, then I dont want to live anymore. Please dont mis-understand me, i know I must work and be responsible and grow up… Im aware of all that, but im telling you I cant be restricted of my air anymore. I cant be held down in some prison any longer! I cant be this caged lion for much more time! Im about to be released, im about to roam in the freedom of my calling! Why do we have to wait for once a year to gather in unison for the cause of Christ? I cant do that anymore I want this fellowship all the time everyday. I thrive on fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I must have it! I must! You see back to me crossing the threshold of my door, I saw a recap of my last 7 months. I been alone for a long time, I’ve been running off 1 or 2 nights a week of fellowship. The rest of my time is just alone with Christ. Im not saying thats bad to be alone with the Lord, but He put humans to thrive together. This past week reminded me and exposed how much I need deep fellowship with my spiritual family in Christ. I have been starved for a while. God has peiced together this new season in my life thats approching very soon.

This leads me to the next topic and ill keep it brief. Im leaving the 2nd week in September to head off to Pensacola, FL. to spend 6 months with the Harbor. My plan there after is to head to Colorado Springs to another ministry called Generations Church for another 6 months. Im heading to FL 1st. This is my plan and of course I leave my agenda open for the penmanship of Christ to fill in His order. This will be a extremely bitter-sweet time. Knowing anything could happen, I could leave and come back after a year, then again God could change it all and I may move somewhere permanently. The hardest part will be leaving my family, friends and my youth. Besides my savior Jesus Christ, they are the love’s of my life. But I know this is what God wants. So I go.

I know this post may be random, hard to follow and sporadic but this my heart. Im stepping out in faith upon hearing the Word of the Lord. To wrap this post up and reflect on my past week, I just thank God for the opportunity to be a part of each kids life at my church as well outside my church. Without that I wouldnt have a purpose on this earth. Thank you Lord for purpose, its what keeps me going in this life, its what gives me a reason to live. I give you my all, take me, mold me and do with me what Your hands see fit. I love you Lord.